"Feeling Good!"

Good Morning Folks!
I dont know if you are ready for this post. Brace yourselves!
I have a friend at work called John Tykskinski. He smokes a lot of Camel cigarettes. Drives roughly 40 kilometres to work and 40 back. Shows up at office at 7am and leaves at 3pm. Has a great laughter. A generally nice guy. He's a scorpio - birthday is Oct 24th I think. He is a mystic. Now!! Wait a minute! What was that? Yes he is a MYSTIC.

For those who don't know the meaning, he is the 'modern' version of the holy saints of India. - the ones who claim they have no materialistic wants and attachments.

Some points that I gleaned from talking with him are listed below:
1. We are ALL selfish, including you, me, your parents, my parents, their grandparents, founding fathers of America, prophets, godmen, every man and woman and child ever born and ever will be born - SELFISH

2. One cannot live unless one dies.

3. Dying is a choice.

4. You are not one entity but YOU includes the machinery or body which needs comfortable clothes, clean air, tasty food, sex. So YOU can technically die as each version of YOU dies one by one. All the layers of YOU can die at different points of time in the duration of your life. When all the 'ONION' layers die what is left is NOT 'nothing' but everything.

5. The Universe is one giant 'genuine' intention.

6. Willingless to let go of wants - otherwise called a genuine intention creates a window into the universe.

7. The stars are out there even during the day. we cant see them because there is a brighter obstructing light - the sun. similarly we cannot live our life because our wants consume us. in effect almost all of us with the exception of a few 'mystics' never LIVE our life. We have given up freedom. We don't have wants. Our WANTS have us. We are mere addicts. Addicted to the idea of 'FEELING GOOD' feeling.

8. Dont believe anything I say.

9. Are we the machine? Movies like the MATRIX (which a lot of people dismiss as just a hollywood cult movie aimed at video gamers and nerdy computer programmers) have made a lot of money exploiting this simple concept. But the underlying idea is quite profound. Try answering that question 9.

10. Behind every fear is a want.

11. Imagine two things like WANTS and REALITY. When they are close to each other you are happy . Example "I want a bicycle for my birthday and father bought me one" - I am happy. When the distance increases one becomes unhappy. Example: "I want a job at Microsoft but I did not get through the interview" . I feel unhappy.
There are a million situations which cause unhappiness in human beings. Is there something one can do to avoid unhappiness. Yes. STOP DOING.

11. If you follow the logic so far you will realize we always react to something or the other in the enironment and when we dont react to external events we react to our own thoughts. So we only REACT and NEVER ACT. Is that life. Is that choice. Well that is the marvellous unseen machine that has come to define YOU and ME.

12. The machine is not so bad. In prehistoric times the machine helped HUMAN RACE survive. But now it has taken control of our lives.

13. There are 3 things one can (and eventually will end up doing) do when unhappy.
a. Satisfy the WANT. (For example above , 'I will study harder to get into microsoft')
b. Stay in a state of frustration and bitterness (For example above: 'I feel so bad I did not pass the interview. I think I am unlucky. I feel so sad. Oh God! I wish I knew what to do. I am tired thinking about this. Let me sleep. Tomorrow might be a better day! Let me call my girlfriend, atleast she thinks I am not a loser...')
c. Get Rid of the WANT. (Simple but very difficult to do. For example above: "I give up the want/desire to join Microsoft)

option C above is the way of the mystics. letting go. as one lets go one will realize that a portion of the person dies. this is calling 'peeling the onion' layer by layer. Does this mean one ends up being uptight and unemotional and detached and indifferent to all is going on around the person. The answer to that is to be explored by each person and experienced. This cannot be answered since what you will find when you open that door and entered cannot be described. Why it cannot be described clearly is because we do not have a vocabulary to define it. It is like saying 'how do you like this Picasso painting?' to a man blind from birth. He has never seen any colors or shapes or textures. So YOU cannot describe the painting. If you tried HE cannot understand you. Why? he does not have the antenna to receive your message. For the same reason you cannot produce a color photo with a camera loaded with a black and white photofilm. So John when describes how he felt and what he experienced to me he must try to compare that feeling to something that I understand and have experienced. Something like 'Prabhakar what I experience when I gave up my wants was bliss, like drinking honey, or hearing beethoven, or watching a rainbow forming, or being caressed by a velvet cloth and so on and so forth'. John, by the way said that these things are nothing compared to what he experienced. Ofcourse what IT truly is, is something I and YOU must experience for ourselves.

15. To self-examine, 'Ask why? and answer honestly'. Since you are talking to yourself you can attempt to be honest. But being honest with oneself is so hard! Try it.

16. Letting go of a want starts with initially just 'considering' letting of a want. Know this, this process threatens your machine that rules your life. The machine will fight back. How? Notice how you react when you say, 'I dont want that job at Microsoft'. When the machine which is lodged in your psyche hears you saying this aloud it gets threatened and fights back to regain control of YOU and you will notice about 20 to 30 thoughts being generated all leading to a sense of insecurity. For example 'Oh my God! If I give up this want to join Microsoft I will stagnate in my current job' or 'all my friends are there and I am stuck in this dead-end job', or 'i want to make more money and if i dont join microsoft i wont make enough money'....this list of statements is almost limitless. Why does the machine generate these messages. So that YOU can be controlled and reined in. YOU will feel insecure and withdraw from the state of antogonizing the machine. Try this with any of your other wants and see how you react. Notice the machine's characteristics. Knowing the machine is important if you seek to be free of it.

17. All of your emotions, anger, righteousness, uprightness, grace, shyness, arousal, jealousy etc., can all be re-created by some chemical injections. What! Yes, if i give you a shot of serotonin you will feel good the same way you feel good after a nice night of good sleep. If i give you a shot of adrenalin you will get active and energetic the same way you would if you were preparing for an examination. You now understand what I am trying to convey. If I say 'I hate you!' with a rude look on my face, your eyes perceive it and your ears hear the words and convert light and sound into the electrical impulse of the optic nerve and auditory nerve carried to visual and auditory lobe of the brain which sends an electrical impulse through a motor nerve to facial muscles which move to form a frown and the brain sends another impulse to the language center of the brain which controls the tongue which makes you say 'the feeling is mutual my friend!' . this is one possible reaction.

A mystic hates no one and loves no one.

18. Wow, this mystic thing sounds cool. How do I become one. The intention seems wrong. 'Becoming a mystic would lead me to become cool!' - this is searching for an easy way out. There is none.

19. The path to becoming a mystic is a painful one. Why? Letting go of wants is dying. Dying is painful. Why? Letting go of wants is the same as letting go of addictions. Have you seen a cocaine addict going through rehabilitation. They go though depression and withdrawal syndromes. We are no better that this addict. A different addiction but the same effects.

20. Meditation and reciting some sounds like Ohm and Maa can help in clearing the noise and focussing the mind. The machine can be temporarily suppressed and you can attempt to peel those layers after that.

21. So this John Tykskinski seems confused. Does he wear crazy saffron clothes and eat fruits once a day and have long beard like Indian saints. No! he enjoys his hamburger. Is clean-shaven and dresses in plain formal office wear. He shows up on time and attends meetings and is very professional.

22. 'I am a Christian, I cant do any of this Hindu thing since it is against the Bible'. Well this has nothing to do with religion. The Ohm and Maa are mere sounds. Meditation is just an action devoid of religious attachments. John has no religion. He also thinks scientists and religion preachers are alike. Science is a religion.

23. How to actually 'peel the layers'. - DECIDE to let go. And follow through by LETTING GO. Start with small wants. And slowly let go of the bigger wants. Be prepared for depression. You might be so depressed that you wont show up for work. 'A LOT OF THINGS WILL GO WRONG SO DO NOT DO THIS!' will be a loud voice in your mind. Identify that voice. Isolate it. Know that it is the machine and nothing but the machine that is yelling for help because you are ready to pull the plug on the machine. It is a voice of desperation. Good luck peeling those layers. Good luck dying because then you will know what LIFE really is!

24. 'Wait! You make it sound so easy. is it?' - No. This is the toughest thing yet that you have done in your life ever. Simple but very difficult.

25. let me walk you through one casestudy. 'I am already 29. Most Indian girls my age are already married. I must find a man soon. Someone smart looking and caring and kind. So that parents dont bother me. So that other married women dont make me feel uneasy. So that I can make a baby soon. I dont want to end up like a lonely spinster knitting a woolen sweater...'
WAIT!
Identify the want. Notice what it does to you if it is not satisfied. You can satisfy it by searching more for a husband and going out and dating and meeting new men. Or you can stay in state of frustration. Or you can get rid of the want to get married. 'oh my God! then I will become lonely and die alone!' - That is the immediate voice in your head when you merely play around with the idea of giving up searching for a husband. That IS the machine yelling. Identify it. Meditate. Decide. Let Go! I DO NO WANT TO GET MARRIED. Execute your decision. You died. Notice the life after that for yourself. That is a SMALL WANT to let go. Most wants are interconnected. For instance, 'Oh no! I want to get married' can be connected to 'I want to be loved and cared for' and so on and so forth. Notice the peel within a peel. Some of the BIGGER wants are those like career. ' I want a promotion',and 'I want a job. If I dont have a job I will die of starvation.' Give up the promotion and the job. Die. Notice your performance at work after you give up wanting a promotion.

26. Women feel, men think. So men are better at controlling situations and following the option 'a' above of satisfying the want.

27. Some wants...
I want a promotion in current job
I want to be supportive to aging parents
I want to fight in Iraq against the terrorists
I want a beautiful wife
I want to join Microsoft
I want to be pretty and adorable
I want to be a stand-up comedian like Jay Leno
I want to join Indian Institute of Technology
I want to do social service like Mother Teresa
I want to become a great writer like Salman Rushdie
I want to swim across the English channel
I want to win an Olympic medal for India
I want to be remembered after I am dead and gone
.
.
.
The list is truly endless. Keep letting go of each one of them. The first one is tough. The rest will come down like a house of cards.

I will continue this blog posting in a few days time.... there are more interesting ideas that I talked about with John. I might inadvertently have done a big favor to you by revealing all this. That would make me 'feel good'. What an addict I am to this 'feeling good' feeling!

28. Do you have a soul, does your dog have a soul, does the flea on the dog have a soul, does dust floating around have soul, do atoms have soul, do trees have soul...what is soul? This was something he asked me and I just smiled at him. Ofcourse I needed time to reflect.

29. Everythingt hat ever was already is, everything that ever will be already has. This was something he said to me and I am still perplexed.

Why 'Dr.Phosphorus'

Sometimes we feel the need to explain. It is not like the audience requires it. It just seems to be in our nature to explain. Hence I am doing so now.
Why did I choose this blog ID 'Dr Phosphorus' when I could have chosen something else. Is it just a unique name or is much more? Is it a concept? Is it a message, a hidden identity or meaning that I wish to convey? The questions spew out...WHY?

Well Dr.Phosphorus is character in DC Comics. I was an avid reader of comics in my childhood and in one of the editions Batman is confronted with Dr.Phosphorus who was a scientist before he met with a terrible accident in his lab that leaves him deformed but capable of super human strength. He becomes bitter and decides to wreak havoc on Gotham City by plundering banks and jewelry shops. He is virtually unstoppable since his body's energy level escalates as his metabolic rate increases and he starts burning like phosphorus which as you might know, is a substance that burns at room temperature. Even batman finds this adversary difficult to handle but pities the scientist-turned-crook and traps him by wrapping him with Batman’s' indestructible cape. This smothers the scientist's burning body by cutting off the oxygen and he quietens down. A very interesting storyline and plot!

What most people don’t realize about me is that I have all these comic characters like Batman Spiderman Batgirl Flash Gordon Phantom Tarzan Superman and all their adversaries battling it out in my head as I walk on the street and while I attend an interview or when I am eating my sandwich! These comic characters are my friends and they are in my head!

Now what is the connection? I do feel that I burn up on the surface with emotions reacting to so many external events just like Dr.Phosphorus. I empathize with this mad scientist who has been doing experiments and has met with an accident that deformed him and he needs people to understand him. On some level I guess I am appealing to people to understand me and give me my space when I appear to be reactive. Of course I notice that as years pass I am not so reactive. The Zen of life is truly descending on me as I age. Thanks for reading. Over and out!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dr._Phosphorus